Peeling Off the Skin

Created: 02/07/2006 2:46am

Several perspectives have gone through my head today. It seems all of the contemplating I've done over the past month has come to culmination. Today, I am again surprised by how my over-analysis seems to always lead me back to a simple truth I have already known.

Interestingly enough, this process seems absolutely necessary for me to achieve a complete outlook on my current situation. Often times, I find that a seemingly external conflict is purely an internal one. I lose sight of myself amongst all the other faces. I realized today how much I have been projecting my own image onto others lately. I have projected myself so much, that the people I once saw clearly are now unrecognizable to me. It's as if I were to stretch my own skin over someone, only to watch in horror as they perform their own typical actions in their own typical state of mind. They become strange entities; distorted and frightening reflections of myself.

Today, I have attempted to peel myself from everyone around me. And in this process, I have once again realized that this was my own conflict all along. I was feeling victimized by people who do not share my outlook, people who do not share my vision. And due to my own compassionate nature, I draw myself closer to them by painting them with all of the qualities I think they should posess.

This is only illusion...indulgence. The more honorable task is to perceive others clearly, and accept the responsibility to stand and face the fire when the fire burns out of control.

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Misted Evening

Created: 02/03/2006 2:48am

I walked outside tonight and found that the fog had drifted in. It's incredibly thick with the kind of air that you can feel softly moving down into your lungs. All the pavement and structures dripping with the watery atmosphere. I love quiet nights like this. When I stay up late enough the blue television glow from all the windows finally dies. The only thing I can hear is the occasionaly dog far off in the distance.

I start to worry that spring will be arriving too soon. And even though I long for the warm air with all the fragrance that is muted in the winter, I know that the change of season brings more noise, more chaos, more turbulent feelings rebounding in every direction. People race around and through every obstacle, excited at the new level of energy. Sometimes that much intent takes its toll on me. It slowly wears me down until the peak of summer has arrived. And then all I wish for is a snow covered valley, ice misted trees, and the sound of silence all around. Nothing to pull my attention... Everything dead and moved away.

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