Watchful Eyes and Silence

Created: 09/21/2006 02:00:55 AM

I've been up all night with intermittent spells of confusion and spinning thoughts that cause an inner stirring, an energy attempting to build momentum of fear and paranoia. The streets are quiet outside with no signs of life. I wonder if we are all alone here. If everyone has somehow vanished or boarded a secret train that no one told us about.

I try and clear my mind. Words from the Dalai Lama find their way to me as I struggle with a sense of hopelessness and fateful finality. I feel as if a dark rose of sympathy has been left on my doorstep by a quiet, unknown hand. I watch the news networks, listen to radio. No strange events have unfolded.

When I have evenings like this, it seems my feelings always turn out to be created by my own mind. However, I cannot believe it is as simple as all that. Surely there is a reason for my insecurity. I feel like I alone hear the deep groaning and rumblings of tremors deep within the earth. Like a warning sign to run for the hills, to find a place to sleep for a hundred years away from everyone.

I went outside into the silence. Looking up at the Pleades, it strangely reminded me of my experience back in March of 1997. While looking up towards the stars, the sky felt so large that it was falling into my head. I felt as if something was calling to me from light years away through a streaking tear in the universe. Tonight the calling is not from the sky, but from under my feet. So I keep listening, and hear nothing more.

Listening to: Sun Kil Moon - Tiny Cities Made of Ashes